The Colorado Rockies rocked the baseball world Tuesday by pulling off the first major trade of the winter meetings.

General manager Dan O’Dowd is dealin’ again. The stove is hot.

The Rox acquired a starting pitcher with an 0-8 record last season in exchange for a slugger … no, I meant slug … to be named sometime.

Slowey for Mollusk.

Be still my heart.

If I have this correct, the Rockies could lead the league with half a dozen, or more, pitchers competing for the No. 5 spot in a five-man rotation. Here are some candidates and their achievements in 2011:

Kevin Slowey (who, with the Minnesota Twins, became the first pitcher since 1951 to have at least eight starts and lose them all).

Tyler Chatwood (6-11 with the Angels).

Jason Hammel (7-13 with the Rockies).

Jhoulys Chacin (11-14 with the Rockies).

Kevin Millwood, now a free agent (who was born the same year Richard Nixon resigned as president and had a 4-3 record with the Rockies – Millwood, not Milhous).

Esmil Rogers (who was 6-6 with the Rockies and finished with a pallid 7.05 earned-run average).

Their combined record was 34-55.

The newly named Miami Marlins have added closer Heath Bell and shortstop Jose Reyes and are bidding on first baseman Albert Pujols. They barely reached 1.5 million in attendance last season (but are moving into new digs).

The Rockies, who came into the league with the Marlins (winners of two more World Series than the Rockies), drew 2.9 million,

12th-highest in baseball. After all the extremely loud talk about big-money players this offseason, the Rockies have added two bottom-of-the-rotation bottom feeders and another average catcher. As the saying goes in Dallas, where baseball’s winter meetings are being held this week, “All hat, no cattle.”

Instead of rewarding the home crowds who supported a team that crawled like a snail to fourth place in the division, 21 games out with a miserable 73-89 record, the Rockies so far seem intent on merely dumping salary.

Aaron Cook and his $9.9 million are gone, along with Ty Wigginton ($2 million saved in a trade), Chris Iannetta ($2.5) and Mark Ellis (the Rockies’ $1 million share of his contract), and Huston Street and his $8 million will be moved soon. Ian Stewart ($2.3) and Ryan Spilborghs ($1.9) are next.

That total is around $27.4 million. And so far this winter, the Rockies have spent $6.4 million on a two-year deal for Ramon Hernandez.

The Rockies’ management and ownership strongly indicated this offseason that they were willing to go after a big bat and a proven veteran starting pitcher. Show us the money.

Nobody in Colorado is expecting, or begging, the Rox to offer Pujols $200 million. They have a first baseman for a couple more years – if Todd Helton can stay healthy. And the Rockies aren’t about to give C.J. Wilson $100 million or Mark Buehrle a long-term contract.

But, c’mon.

Either get some quality veteran players – particularly pitchers – to help Troy Tulowitzki and Carlos Gonzalez, or admit that the Rockies are in yet another reconstruction period. Wilin Rosario and Nolan Arenado may be the catcher and the third baseman of the future, but we’ve heard that refrain before about Iannetta and Stewart. Where have you gone, Joe Girardi and Vinny Castilla?

No matter what the shills on the Rockies’ pregame and postgame shows will claim, this pitching staff is scary. Not to opposing hitters, but to folks who flock to Coors Field. That group of Nos. 5, 6, 7 and 8 starting pitchers could end up at 1, 2, 3 and 4.

Jorge De La Rosa (5-2) may be back in May or June, but maybe not. Juan Nicasio (4-4) is making amazing progress from a horrific injury, but he hasn’t thrown in a live, or angry, situation yet. Drew Pomeranz (2-1) and Alex White (2-4) are supposed to be class pitchers one day, but what year?

“Who’s the Opening Day pitcher?” is not an Abbott and Costello comedy routine. Manager Jim Tracy has no idea whom he will start on April 6 in Houston. Or against the Giants at home on April 9, 11 and 12. Pick a number.

Yes, the Rockies long ago signed two of the biggest free-agent mistakes in baseball – Mike Hampton and Denny Neagle – but 10 years later, it’s time to get over it. Edwin Jackson and Hiroki Kuroda are free agents the Rockies have to pursue this week.

Dan O’Dowd cannot leave the winter meetings without getting a “Swifty” rather than another “Slowey.”

D ear Colorado Rockies,

Here we are again. Why do we always end up this way? I had such high hopes for us back in the spring. Maybe I was blinded by the glitter of the sunshine, and the smell of the fresh grass. Perhaps I got caught up in the excitement of another year of baseball. Whatever it was, I let it get the best of me. Sure, we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs in the past. We’ve seen rock bottom on more than one occasion. But, I thought this time would be different.

You lied to me, period. There’s no other way around it. Back in March you told me things would be different. And I fell for it. I actually believed that you would give it everything you had, not for a few magical weeks or one or two unbelievable months, but for the entire season.

Boy, did you prove me wrong. Instead, I was left feeling empty and stupid for falling for your silver-tongued promises. I would love to say, “It’s not you, it’s me.” But, that would be the easy way out. It is you. It’s always you. Year after year, you get my hopes up, and year after year, you leave me tattered and ashamed.

So many times before, I’ve come crawling back. Not this time. It’s going to be a while before I can trust you again. You’re going to have to earn it. I need some time to myself. About five months or so. Don’t worry, I’ll have plenty to keep me occupied. I can finally learn the ins and outs of the new Facebook setup. My fantasy football team needs managing. I’ll find ways to take my mind off of the painful memories of this summer.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad. Todd Helton seemingly clawed his way back from oblivion to return to being somewhat productive. Troy Tulowitzki and Carlos Gonzalez still provided plenty of excitement throughout the season. We saw glimpses of excellence from the young arms of Jhoulys Chacin, Rex Brothers, and Juan Nicasio.

Speaking of Nicasio, I can’t focus all of the blame on you. It seemed as though our deal with the devil from 2007 finally came to collect this year. We saw Jorge De La Rosa’s season cut short back in May, lost to Tommy John surgery. Juan suffered that freak accident when a line drive to the head led to a broken C1 vertabrae, an injury unheard of in baseball. Once again, CarGo couldn’t avoid an annual meeting with the outfield fence, rendering him useless for weeks at a time with a nagging wrist injury. And what was it with you guys and doors this year?! First Aaron Cook forgets to remove his fingers from the front door of the house before slamming it shut, landing him on the disabled list (I know, SHOCKER!), and then little Johnny Herrera learns the hard way that an innocent game of Hide-And-Seek can result in a broken digit or two.

There I go making excuses for you again. I promised myself I wouldn’t do that. Regardless of the freak accidents and seemingly impossible injuries, it doesn’t excuse your actions on the field… or, more accurately, the lack thereof. Let me just make it this easy: catcher, pitcher, second base, third base, center field, bench. Those were all areas of this team that lacked any kind of consistent performance. Ian Stewart went from possible break out star to, well, I’m sure there’s even a term to describe how awful he was this year. I’ve seen hotel front doors that don’t revolve as much as the lineup at second base did this summer. I’m surprised you didn’t start grabbing random strangers out of the stands to see if they could play out there. And Dexter Fowler. Perhaps one of the best all around athletes to walk the clubhouse halls in years, yet he couldn’t find his way from one base to the next without a map and a personalized GPS system! There’s no excuse for someone with his kind of speed and agility making that many mistakes on the basepaths!

To make matters worse, we couldn’t even find a small amount of solace at home. A place that last year you guys ruled like kings of old, this year you allowed the enemy to storm the gates, burning and pillaging your lands. You had no pride in yourself, and in turn, I no longer have any pride in you.

Listen, I’m not walking away forever. I still care about you. That’s why I’m asking you to change, because I want to see you grow and flourish. I care about you too much to watch you squander it all away on poor decisions (yes, I’m talking to you, Dan O’Dowd). Let’s take a little time this winter to get our priorities straight. If you want to see me back here next spring, then you’re going to have to prove it to me. You will always be my first love, the one that introduced me to the beautiful world that baseball has to offer. But, I can only take so much heartache and embarrassment. Call me next February, and we’ll see how things stand. Until then, good luck. You’ve got a lot of thinking to do.

See you next year,

– Chris “Bull” Brom

Chris Brom is a local radio DJ and lifelong baseball fan.

SAN FRANCISCO — Kevin Kouzmanoff had three hits and drove in two runs and the Colorado Rockies sent the reigning World Series champions into an early offseason, beating the San Francisco Giants 6-3 Wednesday.

Drew Pomeranz (2-1) outpitched fellow rookie Eric Surkamp (2-2) in their second matchup in two weeks and Jordan Pacheco added a pair of RBI singles for the Rockies, who snapped a seven-game losing streak to the Giants.

San Francisco (86-76) wound up in second place in the NL West behind playoff-bound Arizona, becoming the first defending champion not to make the playoffs since the 2007 St. Louis Cardinals.

Mark DeRosa hit a two-run single in what was likely his last game for the Giants.

That didn’t keep the sellout crowd of 41,873 from taking every last chance to cheer the 2010 champs. The players returned to the field several minutes after the final out to show their appreciation.

Departing Giants managing partner Bill Neukom received a rousing standing ovation and a “THANK YOU BILL” tribute on the center-field scoreboard before the seventh inning. Newly promoted CEO Larry Baer likely will begin discussions soon with general manager Brian Sabean about a contract extension.

Pat Burrell, contemplating retirement if his troublesome right foot doesn’t fully heal, ran in from left field to a standing ovation before the start of the seventh. An emotional Burrell hugged and high-fived his teammates and came back out of the dugout for a curtain call, waving to the fans.

This was a drastic difference for San Francisco on the final day a year after the club clinched the NL West and the franchise’s first playoff berth since 2003 by beating the rival San Diego Padres. That led to an improbable postseason run and the first championship for the Giants since moving West from New York in 1958.

On Wednesday, San Francisco manager Bruce Bochy replaced slugger Carlos Beltran in the fifth inning, calling him in from right field and inserting Andres Torres. Beltran finished with a .300 batting average after he went 0 for 2. He becomes a free agent after joining the Giants in a July 28 trade from the New York Mets.

It was a disappointing day for the Rockies (73-89), too. They had plans — and, on paper, all the talent — to make a run at the division title.

These two clubs were considered the contenders to win the West when the season began back in April, and both have busy winters ahead to fill voids: Among the Rockies’ top priorities is acquiring a front-line starter, while the Giants again need a big bat.

Bochy and Rockies manager Jim Tracy went with young lineups to evaluate who might make an impact come 2012.

San Francisco’s Wednesday lineup featured only one starter from opening day in Burrell and only two players who were even on the 25-man roster on March 31 at Dodger Stadium: Burrell and DeRosa.

San Francisco lost reigning NL Rookie of the Year catcher Buster Posey to a devastating season-ending leg injury in a home-plate collision with Florida’s Scott Cousins on May 25 and also went without second baseman Freddy Sanchez because of a shoulder injury that required surgery.

Bochy made a late switch to start Surkamp in the finale and gave workhorse Matt Cain a rest on the final day.

Many Rockies regulars sat out, too. No injured Carlos Gonzalez or Troy Tulowitzki, the two stars who received hefty new contracts last winter from big-spending Colorado. Todd Helton is hurt, too.